4 Indisputable Ways You’re Setting the Bar Too Low

4 Indisputable Ways You’re Setting the Bar Too Low

Ever take a step back from your life and wonder how you got here? You were never planning on working such a shit job, nor was it ever in the cards to be in a toxic relationship and feel like such crap about yourself. When you were bright eyed and bushy-tailed and the whole world was a fielddddd of possibilities, you never once dreamed you’d be waking up sad, or wishing you had the motivation and discipline to do something cool with your life.

We don’t realize it, but we are constantly setting the bar for our own lives – which, my friend, is the very reason our lives are the way they are.

Our lives are direct reflections of the following:

Our Standards

When you’re setting the bar for life, how high are you putting it and how much are you allowing through that doesn’t meet those standards?

Who do you want to be? Who is that ideal ‘self’? Does she read? Hang out with awesome people? Go on adventures?

Do you have a high achieving bar that keeps going on up with your goals, or is there a Meh, this is fine for now bar that is collecting dust and pretty set in its place?

If you wake up every day and have low, low, low standards for the day, guess what? Low, low, low is what you’ll get.

Nothing better will think it’s allowed to come through.

So why do you stand by your Meh Bar?

Deep down, a little monster may be trying to convince you that you’re not good enough to raise it – ( even though you totally are good enoughand that if you settle at meh, you won’t have to worry about doing anything scary.

You may feel you don’t deserveeeeee the kick ass job, or the king to your queen, or to have people in your life that lift you up and support you.

But your life is a direct reflection of where you put that bar for yourself. No matter which way you slice it, homegirl, if you put up with crap, crap will know it’s okay to come through and it’ll bring all its friends and suddenly you’ll be surrounded by it and that will be your life.

So which life reflection is more appealing? The high bar or the meh bar?

“Raise your standards and the Universe will meet you there” – Danielle LaPorte

Our Relationships

Let me ask you a super real question — How positive/motivated/ and supportive are the people in your life? Do they compliment you or tear you down? Do they inspire you? Make you happy?

Does your partner give you all the feels? Treat you like the gem that you are? Even through the tough times, are you going through them together?

To most of us, relationships are too complicated to make the BIG decision of whether or not they meet our standards, and we justify putting up with nearly toxic ones just to not have to make it.

But he loves me. But we’ve been friends for ever. But we’ve been through so much. But she’s my mom. But he needs me.

We say it’s complicated, but really, we’re just scared to say it out loud.

We’re scared to be alone, to stand up for ourselves, and to ask to be treated with a level of respect that would otherwise seem like a no brainer.

So instead of being brave, we set the bar low, tweak our standards to meet their needs, allow toxicity though, and feel like if we just don’t think about it too hard, the good times will eventually outweigh the bullshit.

But that ain’t how it works.

You want a healthy, fulfilling, passionate romance you can write about in your diary? If so, you can’t settle and let some crap relationship take its spot.

You want to be celebrated at a family dinner once in a while? If so, you can’t let them talk down to you over the passing of the yams.

Our Inner Dialogues

How is your life a reflection of the way you speak to yourself?

Well, let’s look at two scenarios:

Scenario A: “Today is going to be epic. I’m going to reach my sales goals, wear that cute top and flirt with the guy in the office, and I’m going to crush it because I’m awesome. I’m good at what I do and… go, me!”

Scenario B: “Today is going to suck.  I’ll make no sales, feel fat, hide from the cute guy, and I’ll let the day  pass so I can drink my sorrows away at a cheap happy hour. Why am I such a loser? I suck.”

Seriously, two very different reflections, right?

You’re not going to have a scenario A day with a scenario B inner dialogue. If the conversation going on in your head is all, I suck, then guess what? Your day will suck too.

What we forget, however, is that the little conversations going on inside our heads are, well, ours. We set the tone to how those will go. We control the vocabulary.

Would it blow your mind if I told you that your entire day would be completely different if you changed that inner dialogue?

Try it and report back. Do it twice, for good measure.

And Finally, Our Permissions

This is a hard one to wrap our heads around, I know.

But here’s what it boils down to: What are you giving yourself permission to go after? To deserve? To become? How big are you giving yourself permission to dream?

Are you allowing yourself to step into the best version of you?

Because if you’re not — if you’re holding yourself back from going after your dream career, or starting your dream freedom-based business, or asking out that crush you’ve been in love with for centuries… If you’re not giving yourself permission to set that bar high for yourself and your potential,  your life will reflect that.

And that is all you’ll ever be allowed to enjoy because you will literally not have permission to enjoy anything more.

What am I saying here, friend?

I’m saying, however high you decide to set that bar for your self, your goals, and your relationships, that’s the kind of life that will reflect back to you.

So what will it be?

Don’t be afraid to ask for more. To be more. To deserve more. To enjoy more. To laugh more. To live more.

If you’re ready and committed to raising the bar in your life — email me and let me help.

MORE AWESOME

Chiara
chiara@boldself.com

Chiara Mazzucco is an Empowerment Coach whose mission is to help you build confidence, establish self-worth, and get rid of toxic relationships. She’s the former CEO of a national online and print magazine, author of The 9 Mirages of Love, and creator of personal development online courses like Revamp Bootcamp and the Feel Awesome Masterclass.

1Comment
  • Aleksandra
    Posted at 11:45h, 23 September Reply

    What’s in our head is definitely not a guarantee of what we can become but it is a necessary first step!

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