New Years resolutions are just around the corner. And let’s be honest, every year it’s the same story. We look ourselves in the mirror and we say, this time, I’m going to really make a change.
This year is going to be different.
The problem is that whenever we look to change things in our lives, we do so on a very superficial, very reactionary level. We think if we “fix” things on the surface, we’re going to get that immediate instant gratification, and we’re going to be able to move on without putting too much work in.
But that’s not how it works.
In order to make changes that stick, we have to access the deeper, darker areas of ourselves. So think, the deeper you go, the bigger and more consistent the change.
So first we have to dig deep, then we have to open up, then we have to decide where we want to go, and finally we have to take a step forward so we can actually get to where we want to be.
But remember, stepping forward without first opening up and digging deep is only going to get you to run around in circles and not make any real progress. Definitely not the kind of movement with a clear purpose and definitely not change that sticks.
The importance of “You” at your core
And before we dive into the 4 steps, I want to really drive this home: You cannot be any sort of anything for anyone else, if you are not you to yourself first.
This type of self-nourishment is crucial if you want to thrive in other areas of your life.
Alright so let’s dive into the big 4.
Here are the 4 steps to change that sticks.
Honesty and Self-awareness
The first step to change that sticks is being self-aware and being really, really honest with yourself. So, you have to be present in the now and see things for what they are.
Let’s use weight-loss as an example, as it tends to be a big player in the game of new years resolutions.
You know you want to lose weight — what does it mean to be self-aware and honest with yourself about where you’re at?
It means every single time you order at a restaurant, you’re present in your choice. What did you order? Why? Why did you choose the 2,000 calorie dish over 700 healthier option? What feelings were you feeling when you made that choice?
So in order to change, we have to be present in the reasons that drive us to make the decisions we make. Learning to be present and to be HONEST with ourselves will help us when we need to tap into those same things to choose the healthier option on the menu.
Which means, there needs to be level of vulnerability present in order to access the deeper level. We need to be open.
We need to tear off the layers and we need to expose ourselves to our inner being. We have to stand in that bullseye, fearlessly wide open to our past, our present, and our future.
We have to be in charge of calling ourselves out on our bullshit and when we try to justify our bullshit behavior. We have to learn to both the teacher and the student and be flexible throughout that process.
In order to change, we must really, truly, deeply be open to change.
Ok, so… vision.
We talked about being honest and self-aware so we know where we’re at. We talked about being vulnerable so that we’re setting the stage to being open to that change. And next, we need to know exactly where we want to go.
So, in order to efficiently move, we need to know where we want to go.
Having a vision, and getting really focused on what those goals are is vital to making change that sticks.
So we open up, we’re honest and self-aware, we know where we want to go, and the last step to creating change that actually sticks is, you guessed it, actually doing to the work.
There’s no surprise there, right? As Jim Rohn said, “Life doesn’t get better by chance, it gets better by change.”
You can’t complain about being stagnant if you’re going out of your way to not move forward.
So step up and show up for yourself
This is it, guys. Take these resolutions seriously. Don’t just try to fix shit on the surface level; actually dig deep. Get to the root. Open up, do the work, and go deep enough to embed the kind of change that’s going to actually stick.
I put together a little worksheet for you guys to use to help get you started on reflection and introspection.