When I was in my teens, I was sexually abused by one boyfriend and then emotionally abused by the next. I was bullied a lot, had my life threatened a few times, and spent most of my time crying. It was a hard 3 years for me, until the day I woke up at rock bottom and had no way out but up.
After a long period of walking around like an empty shell, I decided I didn’t want to live like that anymore and that it was time for me to take control and make a change. I reinvented myself. I built this proud, confident, hard-working, self-loving badass and through a process I’ll tell you about soon, I became her.
It worked. And the strategy was so effective, I still use it to make changes in my life. Little tweaks to life-altering decisions, this process has helped me transition time and time again, and I’m forever grateful for the lessons I learned as I put it together.
I’ve been telling my story for years now, and the one question I’m constantly asked is, “How did you do it? How did you do it all on your own?” And my answer had always been some variation of the fact that I felt I had no choice. Therapy felt out of reach for me. Anyone I’d talk to about what was happening was either tired of hearing it, or would write it off as a typical life struggle all teenagers go through. In my mind, I had two choices: I could either continue to live my life in an empty, undefined, self-deprecating shell, or I could take control and have a say in the way my life turned out.
These two choices are something we are presented with EVERY day. Be passive and let life happen, or take control and make it happen. We come to that fork in the road not only when we face big life events, but also on a daily basis with ways we want to improve our lives. We can either keep doing things the same way we’ve always done them, or we can change them and be proactive in our own self-evolution.
I can’t say for sure what would have happened to me had I not taken control of my own life, but after two abusive relationships at such a young age, my guess is, I probably would have spiraled.
Because that’s what we do, right? When we are passive in the face of something that needs our attention for the sake of our well-being, we spiral. We eat more to ignore the feelings of self-loathing we have toward our bodies because we don’t want to do the work to fix it. We give into more and more toxic, co-dependent behaviors in our relationships because it’s easier than walking away and we’re terrified of being alone. We stay later at a job we hate because we accept it as a reality of our life, rather than taking a leap to pursue our passions.
Being passive is the default. It is the state in which we enter every reality. Life is, rather than Life can be.
But you know what happens when we aren’t proactive and don’t change our lives? Nothing. Nothing fucking happens. We either float where we are or we spiral downward and get worse.
Transformation, reinvention, self-improvement; not one of those things happens without you taking action.
And I know it’s overwhelming. I went through it and unlike you, I didn’t have a system. I didn’t have a guide. I just turned inward and, for the sake of survival, forced myself to figure it out. I didn’t have anyone to root for me or tell me what to do.
But you do.
You have me.
And I want to be there to empower you and help you through those struggles because I know you can do it. I know you can overcome whatever is keeping you from evolving into the person you want to be. I know that deep down, you’re tired and you feel defeated and you don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. But I do.
Which is why I put my 7 step system together for you. It’s all there. I broke down each step and went into detail about what you need to do and why it’s important.
Once you get through it, do me a favor and introduce yourself so we can be friends.
Cheers to your reinvention.