That gut-wrenching pain you feel take over your body when someone hurts you. When someone breaks your heart, or treats you badly, or breaks a promise, or stabs you in the back. That feeling of vulnerability, of pain, of confusion; why me? How do we deal when others hurt us? How do we step outside of the bullseye, cover ourselves back up with armor, heal, and move on with our lives?
With the magic of love comes the reality of pain, and although time heals all wounds, we can still choose to be proactive in our recovery.
First, calm your mind
When someone hurts us, we immediately look to our brain for answers. We ask: how could he have done this to me? Or, what did I do to deserve this? It’s our way of trying to make sense of the situation.
We think that if we find the why, it will somehow make it hurt less, so we focus all our energies outward on trying to solve the puzzle of pain.
The idea is right: we do need to search for the why, we just don’t ask the right questions.
When we ask, we ask ego-focused questions. We ask, but why me? or we think, but the love between us was so real, surely I couldn’t have been so disillusioned. When in reality, we should be stepping outside of ourselves and focusing on why the person acted that way in the first place, independent of our role in the situation.
Healing is a lot easier through compassion.
Meaning, What was going through his mind? What issues does he have that he’s allowed to manifest into such actions? What was he not telling me that he needed to act out?
It’s easy to react negatively to the advice of not taking something personally – especially when we’re hurt – but the truth is people don’t wake up in the morning on a mission to hurt others. The pain is often a consequence of people just trying to figure shit out; people trying to navigate the same struggles as you and me.
And I think we can all agree, this shit ain’t always easy. Life is never black and white, and sometimes there really is no right answer.
Finding out the why independent of you helps you realize you are not defined by the actions of others toward you. Meaning, for example, this person didn’t cause you pain because you deserve it.
It also helps you grow. It helps accelerate the healing process because you shift the focus from the outside in. You no longer rely on someone else to heal you.
Forgiveness is your golden key to freedom. The anger, pain, and resentment are nothing more than emotional shackles. They don’t let you heal, grow, or move on, all they do is imprison you in a moment in time. The longer you keep them around, they more control they’ll have over you – and although it may not seem like it, you have a choice to no longer live that way.
Most importantly, turn inward to heal and take care of yourself.
This was, by far, some of the most valuable advice I’ve ever received: turn inward, take care of yourself, and heal. There’s something almost magical about it. Like there’s this other part of you, the strong part, who is able to show up and take care of the broken parts of you – healing you like magic. This whole thing going on inside of you, without the need to rely on anyone else. This innate power of healing. This power we are born with, yet rarely tap into.
Close your eyes and guide the healing process.
It’s not just time, Experiences help
Time can heal all wounds, but it can often be a long, dreadful process. In order to accelerate the healing, you must be proactive about your recovery.
First and foremost, you have to do your best at surrounding yourself with good people. Although we don’t often actively seek out people who will cause us pain, being passive about the people we allow into our lives, especially in times of vulnerability, can be just as damaging. Stop to think about it: Is this person good for me? Am I ignoring red flags to force puzzle pieces to fit into my fairytale life? These may ruin the high of a new relationship, but questions so simple can really clean the lens and give you a fresh perspective.
Secondly, understand that life is happening whether you’re in pain or not. And while it may feel easier to sit idly as you let time pass and do all the work, realize that there is power in the outside world. Happiness generating activities, life changing opportunities for growth, chance meetings with delectable strangers; Life is out there, and it’s much bigger than the person who hurt you.
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, realize that we’re all human and that we’re all just trying to figure this out.
Life is a beautiful mess of emotions, encounters, and experiences; and even the sad parts have beauty in their intensity. Learn from them, for they hold the most valuable lessons.