For as long as I can remember, I idolized the sexy, cool, rock n’ roll broke girl in the movies. The girl who was always scraping by to pay the bully landlord, who hung out with slick back hair punks smoking cigarettes in an alley way. She held her clothes together with safety pins and only ate old Chinese takeout. She was the girl who lived in the apartment next door to a pimp and a crack whore with a broken door and 85 locks to keep her safe.
She was cool.
And in a weird way, I wanted to be her. She was strong. A survivor. There was something so glamorous about the way she battled through the harshness of life.
So maybe that’s how I became so good at being the broke girl.
My friends and I would joke whenever anyone suggested a weekend getaway like, Pfft, great idea, Susan, but I’ll just stick to my Cheerios and vodka cause #brokeAF and who da fuck can afford that other than uppityAF trust fund babies?
And we’d all laugh together and take a shot, and we’d take pride in our #brokegirlvibes and talk shit about the uppity trust fund babies because being rich was gross.
Well, that was the beginning of my broken story.
My Broken Story: I am forever broke
Even after the obnoxiousness ended and I grew up to realize I needed – and actually wanted – money, I had started to build this story that this is who I was.
It was so deeply rooted that it would show up even when I started to make money.
Somehow, I was always struggling to make ends meet. The more I made, the more I owed.
And the more this went on, the deeper it embedded itself as the reality I identified with; I was never going to be more than the struggle.
And I survived for a very long time in that flow.
I’d find money for rent on the morning of the 1st every month. I’d get banks to believe my excuses and refund my overdraft fees. I’d scrape by with just enough groceries for the week on whatever was left on my credit card.
I was the good broke girl who always managed to find a way.
Earth shattering mind-fuck realization: I don’t want to live like this anymore
It wasn’t until I started my soul-aligned business that I realized just how deep that broken story had gone.
There is nothing more frustrating than trying to follow your soul’s calling and barely making enough to feed your kid. Every great idea I had was great, but I was still barely able to make ends meet.
It even got to the point that when I did start to succeed, I would spiral into self-sabotage because the truth was, I didn’t know how to succeed from success.
All I knew was how to get by – and I was good at it.
But I also dreamed of 5 figure months and a 6 figure income, so what the fuck was I going to do?
That’s when I drew my line in the sand and said, Enough.
I invested more money than I made in a single year in working with a business coach, I bought every book ever on healing my relationship with money, and I made the loving and powerful commitment to myself to let go of my broken story.
So I did.
What’s Your Broken Story?
So what about you? Does the money thing resonate, or does your broken story have more to do with love? Maybe about the relationship you have with yourself?
Here’s some stuff I’ve heard buzzing around:
- Guys always cheat on me
- I’m so socially awkward
- I’m going to be single forever
- I don’t know enough to…
Be cautious with any self deprecating thing you’ll say at a party to get a laugh and make you feel cool. This is you giving your broken story permission to embed itself deeper.
When you’re saying that guys always cheat on you and you’re a jerk magnet because literally every guy treats you like shit, that will be your reality, and when a good guy comes along, you’ll likely sabotage the relationship because you don’t know how to be in a good one.
When you’re saying that you’re so socially awkward and that you always say the worst things, that will be your reality, and when there’s an opportunity for you to step into your power and shine, you’ll revert back to the safety of ha ha ha, I don’t know how to socialize.
When you’re saying you don’t know enough to go for a job or a career you really want, being a forever student who is not good enough just yet will become your reality, and you’ll get stuck in the loop of I’m not ready.
Exercise: Break the cycle and let go
Draw the line in the sand and say enough.
Your broken story has taught you so much, so thank it and then release it. It’s time for the next chapter. It’s time for a new story.
Do this exercise:
Grab a piece of paper and on the top of it, write the thing you want as if it were your new truth. For me, it would have been, “I am the cool wealthy girl!” because my story had been that I was the cool broke girl.
Seriously, what’s the opposite of your broken story? “I am the girl in a happy, healthy, loving, committed relationship!” or “I am the girl who gets promoted!” or “I am a boss babe with my own business!”
Then, write yourself a 3 paragraph letter starting with the words I love you.
Start the first paragraph with I release… And write about your old story.
Start the next paragraph with I deserve… And write about your new story.
Start the last paragraph with From now on, I will… And write about the actions you will take to start crafting your new story.
Then sign the letter with love. Fold it, put it next to your bed, and read it every morning and every night.
I am sending you a loving reminder, my wonderful friend, that you are not your struggles.