The way I understand it, our life experiences can be perceived in one of two ways: we are either zoomed in, living in the present and focusing solely on the short term, or we are zoomed out, giving ourselves the opportunity for a much wider birds eye view, and perhaps sometimes neglecting the smaller parts of the bigger whole.
Each view, I think, serves its purpose – especially in moments our lives decide its time for a drastic change.
In November 2023, about 7 months ago, I sold everything I owned, packed two suitcases and left the US. A couple months after, I let go of my team, dismantled programs, and put my entire business – a business that had generated me millions of dollars in revenue – on indefinite hold.
The adventure of it all is a story I’ll save for another day.
For now, I wanted to share 5 lessons I learned zooming in and out of a seemingness endless void.
The space that comes after we decide life will never be the same.
The space between the chapters.
The space where we come home again.
If you’re in a life transition, stuck, or unsure of where to go next, I hope this post finds you exactly when you need it.
1. Prepare for high anxiety with a ready to go response
I had never been an anxious person. Barring the handful of really stressful moments in my life, I typically move through uncharted territory and the unknown with an air of confidence, sometimes arrogance, and mostly, a curious sense of adventure.
But when the first nightmare happened, I wasn’t prepared to wake up covered in sweat, with my heart racing out of my chest.
It started one night and didn’t stop. I’d fall asleep and wake up about an hour or two later with the thought, “What if I fucked up? What if that was as good as it was going to get and I threw it all away, and this whole thing was a mistake?”
I’d feel the lump in my throat stiffen and the tension grow throughout my body, sending my anemic heart into the scariest palpitations. And I’d just lie there, entertaining the fears, falling back asleep for an hour before the sun would rise, only to do it all again the following night.
How did I break through? I prepared an answer.
The next time I asked myself, “What if I fucked up?” I responded with, “I’m exactly where I need to be. Something even better is waiting and I’m so excited to find out what it is.”
And I’d repeat this, over and over and over again – so much so that my mind would start to pull from its imagination how great the next chapter could be, and I’d fall asleep to visions and plot lines of new love, new cities, and all new different versions of me.
2. Surrender, paradoxically, requires consistent action
One of the most frequently asked questions from my clients and course students is “How do I surrender?”
Here’s how I respond: “Imagine you’re holding a black mug in the air with your left hand. Do you see it?”
“Yes,” they respond.
“Now, ask me how to put it down.”
To some degree, we’d like to believe that surrender is a passive activity; that we just sit back and let go, but when push finally comes to shove, we can’t put down the mug.
Without realizing it, I found myself pretending to surrender. I would distract myself with other things, say the cliche things about how I trusted the universe, and decide to remain passive whenever the opportunity to respond would arise.
But the truth is, I was very much still holding on; in fact, I think I was holding on stronger than ever. I was secretly hoping that not addressing everything I was attached to would be enough to release it, when in actuality, I needed to face my attachment to it, unravel and relinquish my control, and actively put the outcome in the hands of God, every single day.
I had to program my body to trust and it required patience, dedication, and practice. A consistent action, over and over again, that every day, made letting go and trusting in the unfolding a little bit easier.
3. If you’re going to fail, do it right
For the lifetime of my coaching business, if I needed money, I would simply put out a high ticket offer and call in an immediate cash injection, sometimes as high as a 6 figure payout.
Years ago, this was really fun.
But it got less fun as the years went by, and slowly, it began to feel like a sleazy transaction: selling myself because I needed the cash. (I say this completely transparently, because I know many of us have felt this at one point or another, especially when you own a personal brand.)
So it’s no surprise that in the lowest moments of this big life transition, once I had shut down all my programs, fired clients, and stopped all cash flow, I would get the itch to solve it all by simply doing what I had always done: selling a high ticket offer, no matter how much I dreaded it. All for the sake of a cash injection.
And I came close to doing it a few times, to be honest.
But in my ear rang an old friend’s advice that I often quote: fail fast and fail forward.
If I gave in and made a high ticket offer I didn’t want to make, only to do it for the money, the worst thing that could happen is that it would sell, I’d make another $100k and fall back into the hell cycle that kickstarted this life transition in the first place.
No, I decided. I would rather skip dinner tonight than sell my soul again.
And I truly believe that resilience helped set me free. I was no longer a slave to the pattern that created so much unhappiness in my life. And soon after, money flowed again.
4. Protect your energy at all costs and choose your people wisely (or vice versa)
One thing I was not prepared for was the amount of self-protection I would need around the people closest to me. Even those who meant no harm.
But I found everyone had an opinion about my big life change, were certain what I had done wrong to get myself into such a state, and knew exactly what I needed to do to get out of it.
Maybe they’d project a little too hard or maybe I was more susceptible to outside energy in my weakened state. Whatever the reason, I found myself needing to unplug and close off from the energy around me.
In contrast, when the person was the right person, it felt like a lightning strike of clarity, inspiration, and motivation, all mixed into the most soul opening, thirst quenching cocktail. Exactly what I needed, at the exact right time I needed it.
What I learned is that while so much of a big life transition is lived on our own, having the right people beside you means you don’t have to do it alone. And as important as it is to have those who supercharge you around, so is your ability to shield toxic, projected energy that will only weigh you down.
We must become masters at the game of energetic filtration.
5. Motivation doesn’t always work at rock bottom; you must, instead, begin with discipline
There were days I found myself floating in the darkness of the void, the way I’d imagine an uneventful shroom trip would be: knowing my feet weren’t on the ground, bored, but not quite sure what I was waiting for.
For a while, I waited for motivation to return. Some days, I sat patiently in meditation, begging the universe to pull me forward. Other days, I threw myself into situations that would have inspired me in the past. Neither approach worked. I’d sit and tease myself with positive visions of the future and negative experiences from that past, and still, in the most frustrating and terrifying way, I felt nothing.
Then one day, it hit me. If I waited for motivation to strike in order for me to move past this, I might be waiting forever. And I don’t think I have forever to wait.
So instead of sitting by idly waiting for the willpower to return, I put myself to work. I went back to my 5 step morning routine, set goals for my mind, body, and soul, and carved out 2 hours of dedicated study time a day to nourish my wellbeing.
Suddenly, I was motivated again – and this newfound motivation had enough momentum to break me free from the void.
I hope this post found its way to you in a moment you’ve most needed it.
These big life transitions and whatever time spent in the void is an inevitable part of the human experience, especially for those of us dedicated to growth and evolution.
So we might as well learn to navigate it, to move through it, and most importantly, to let it serve its purpose, because there’s something waiting on the other side, and aren’t you so excited to find out what it is?
*And on that note, here is a list of all my new offerings. I’m also so happy to announce that after 6 months, I’m finally taking private clients again.